Breaking Professor Umbridge
by siriusisbest
Summary: The Gryffindor's have gotten tired of their new DADA teacher and bored with their class. So today, thier going to make it a little more interesting. Humor! One-Shot!
1. Chapter One

**As a warning, extreme stupidy. Granted, I hope it's hillarious stupidy!**

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The students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry were at a breaking point. Even the Slythrine's were getting fed up although**,** granted they didn't show it as much as everyone else. It's not just the students who are getting fed up either, it's clear that the teachers want nothing more then to take that huge pink bow on top of that ugly toads ugly head and shove it down her throat.

That would sort her and her stupid 'cough'.

So it was no surprise that on one Thursday afternoon in the Gryffindor common room you would find the 5th years gathered around moaning about what a pain in the arse one Dolores Jane Umbridge happened to be.

"She's nuts! How does she expect us to pass our O.W.L's studding this crap?" a disgruntled Seamus asked the room at large.

"Something has to be done about her! I know, why don't we kill her and make it look like an accident? Then we won't have to listen to her croak for an hour every bloody Tuesday and Thursday**.**" Ron said getting on a evil grin.

"I don't know about killing her but we should defiantly do something to her." Neville said.

"How? She's on the best practical terms you can possible get to Fudge!" Hermione pointed out "It won't be much use, her and the minister are really close."

"Maybe a little to close, if you know what I mean." Ron muttered to Harry who sniggered.

"Then we'll just do it for fun. She's already made us write with our own blood, taken away our normal privileges, and ruined our chances for winning the house cup, what more will she do? Throw is in Azkaban?" Dean asked.

A bell rang in the distance and they all grabbed their bags, heading to the old toads classroom.

On their way to the classroom Harry whispered as they entered the DADA corridor, "Just follow my lead."

Ignoring his housemates bewildered look he marched right up to the end of the line were Malfoy and his cronies were talking. The Gryffindor's and Slythrine's sneered at each other then went back to their own business.

The door opened a few minutes later and they all trooped inside, the doors closing as soon as Pansy made it over the threshold.

"Everyone sit!" Umbridge said in a sing son voice smiling like she was a toad who'd just seen its fly.

"I'm surprised she doesn't have a lily pad as her seat." Harry whispered loudly to Seamus, who was sitting next to him. The Gryffindor's smirked and the Slythrines looked at him stunned.

Umbridge pretended not to hear and taped the board with her wand, the pages they were to read appearing on the black board.

"Everyone take out your books and turn to page 286." She said in her sickly fake girly voice.

"You think she's going to be teaching us how to catch the big juicy flies?" Harry whispered loudly again, this time to Ron and Dean who were sitting behind him and Seamus.

"Nah, she wants to keep the big ones for herself." Ron answered back.

"Is there something you two would like to share with the class?" Umbridge asked in fake cheery voice that was just barley concealing her anger.

"Not at all" Harry smiled, then adding, "Your highness" in a lower but still addible voice.

"You may begin." Umbridge told the class her frustration obvious.

After a few minutes of 'reading', Harry winked at Lavender and she took that as her queue.

"Why do you think she wears all that pink?" Lavender 'whispered' to Pavarti.

"Isn't it obvious? She needs it to attract her mates because she's too ugly to do it any other way." Pavarti said back, not really trying to keep her voice down.

"Is there a problem, Ms. Patil?" Umbridge asked.

"No, Toa-Ms. Umbridge." Pavarit smiled sweetly.

The boys sniggered at her daring and Harry could have sworn he saw Blaise Zabini crack a smile from his seat next to Malfoy.

"Then go back to your book and stop talking!" Umbridge snapped.

Silence filled the room again until Dean whispered to Harry, Seamus, and Ron, "Why do you think Fudge even bothers keeping her around?"

"Probably because she brings the girls, with all that pink I'd say Umbridge is lesbian." Semaus whispered back.

"MR. FINNEGAN COME HERE NOW." Umbridge shouted forgetting her girly voice.

Seamus, grinning, walked up to her. He knew he was in trouble so thinking to himself, _why not take it one step further? _

"Professor," He said seriously once he reached the desk, "I know I'm attractive an all, but all the girls I know are pretty straight last time I checked."

"Mr. Finnegan you will take this to your head of house and receive your punishment for disrupting my class." Unbridge spluttered ignoring his comment.

"Oooo, someone needs to get laid." Dean said not bothering keeping his voice down.

"MR. THOMAS, YOU WILL ACCOMY HIM." Umbridge shouted.

"Yes your toadness." Dean answered fighting desperately to keep his face straight.

"Yep, she defiantly need's some." Ron nodded.

"Shut up, Mr. Weasley, 50 points from Gryffindor!" Umbridge shouted desperately, in hopes of making them shut up.

Not that they cared, they had so few points it's not like they were going to win anyways.

"Were do you think she goes to get a good shag?" Harry asked the room at large.

"Mr. Potter!" Umbridge screamed aghast.

"Probably the Hog's Head!" Lavender shouted back from her place on the other side of the room, "That's the only place anyone would take her!"

"As long as they were staggering drunk." Hermione added.

"I don't even think they would take her then." Pavarti added shaking her head.

"ALL OF YOU OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! FINNEGAN, THOMAS, POTTER, WEASLEY, GRANGER, PATIL, BROWN, ALL OF YOU REPORT TO MCGONAGALL NOW!" Umbridge shouted at the top of her voice.

"Well, how will she know we're coming?" Harry asked, his grin throwing off his innocent voice.

Umbrdige grabbed her wand and sent a patronus ahead, that only caused the entire room to roar with laughter as a little toad hopped out of the room on a mission to convey its message to the deputy headmistress.

"OH THAT'S RICH!" Ron roared double over with laughter.

"OUT!" Umbridge screamed.

They all scrambled out the door, tears of laughter rolling down their faces, a book narrowly missing Seamus' head.

Once they reached McGonagall's classroom and Seamus handed her the note she to cracked a smile.

To everyone's surprise 10 minutes later all the 5th year Slythinins were standing in front of Professor Snape 'awaiting their punishment', Blaise Zabini handing him a message from one Doreles Umbridge.

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**Soooo, what you think? Stupid? Funny? Both? Tell me...please? :)  
Also, no offence towards gays, lesbeins, bisexuals. I just think Umbridge wouldn't take such an accusion lightly.**


	2. Chapter Two

**All I can say is OMG I didn't except such a huge audience. Especially since I didn't have this beta'd! Really, yesterday I was just super bored and since I've seen all the HP movies a zillion times I was 'watching' Order of the Phoenix in my head and when I got to Umbridge I thought about how funny it would be to mess with her and this just came to me! SO, I'm writing this chapter for those of you want more. I don't know if it's as good as the last chapter, but I'll try!**

"I'm surprised she doesn't have a lily pad for her seat"

Theodore Nott turned and looked at Potter in astoshment. "Did Potter really just say that?" he asked Vincent Crabb who was sitting on his right.

"Dunno, maybe he'll finally do something about the old hag, about time someone does." Crabb shrugged pulling out his defense book.

After writing out the instructions on the blackboard and telling them to turn to their pages the Gryffindor's caught the Slythrine's attention again with Potter asked Weasley and Thomas, "Do you think she'll teach us how to catch the big juicy fly's?" Theo sniggered at the four Gryffindor's tactics. Who knew they had it in them? Silence engulfed them once more when Lavender Brown asked Pavarti Patil not all to quietly, "Why do you think she wears all that pink?"

"Isn't it obvious? She need it to attract her mates because she's to ugly to do it any other way." the Patil girl answered.

Pansy and Daphne erupted into giggles behind Theo and Crabb as they to tried desperately to hid their amusement.

"Is their a problem, Ms. Patil?" Umbridge asked.

"No, Toa-Ms. Umbridge." Pavarit smiled sweetly.

Theo and Vincent hid behind their books as they grinned at each other, Blaise tried unsuccessfully to hid his smirk, Draco was also hiding behind his book while the girls were holding their stomeches thrying not to let the teacher hear their laughter.

Silecne inglufed the room but a few minutes later all heads turned towards Thomas when he asked, "Why do you think Fudge even bothers keeping her around?"

"Probably because she brings all the girls, with all that pink I'd say Umbridge is lesbian." Finningan whispered back.

That's all it took for Umbridge and the Slythrins to loose it, thankfully all the attetion was on Finnigan so nobody saw Pansy fall out of her seat or Draco shake with unconcealed laughter. Blaise had his head in his arms pretending to rest but if you looked closely you could see him shaking with laughter.

By the time Seamus and all the other Gryffindor's had made it out the door the Slythrines were shaking with uncontrollable laughter, Pansy was still trying to climb back onto her chair but her laughter was to much.

"All right class, settle down!" Umbridge barked.

Everything settle down and quite went threw out the classroom which only heald Blaise Zabini, Draco Malfoy, Theo Nott, Vincent cabb, Pansy Parkinson, Daphne Greengrass, Gregory Goyle, and Millincent Bulstrobe.

Blaise looked over his shoulder at Theo and they exchanged a evil look as grin's slid onto their faces. Professor Snape hated her as much as they did, they had nothing to loose!

"Professor, may I ask a question?" Blaise asked giving her his most charming smile that all the girls fell for.

"What is it?" she snapped.

"Why do you hate half-breeds so much?" Blaise asked.

"I don't know what your talking about." Umbridge answerd not looking up from her work.

"Is it because your one yourself?" Theo asked innocently, fake pitty lacing his voice. Draco snorted and grinned at the mayhem they were about to start.

Umbridge slowly rose her head to look at him. After about five second passed before she asked in a her sickly sweet voice, "What?" grinning as if just daring him to go on.

Theodore Nott was not fazed.

"I said, do you hate half-breeds because you are one? Half toad, half human?" Theo asked.

"Mr. Nott-" Umbridge was cut off by Pansy."Of course she's not. It's only humans that aren't completely crazy about reproduction." Pansy grinned at Millicent.

The boys had no idea what she was talking about but Daphne and Millicent seemed to.

"What are you getting at Ms. Parkinson?" Umbridge snapped her fake voice gone once again.

"It's okay Professor Umbridge, we understand." Daphne said nodding her head, barley concealing a grin.

"Understand what, exactly?" Umbrige prodded, not sure she really wanted to know.

"Well scientist say all creature's first priority is reproduction and we all know that two species of the same sex can't reproduce." Millicent said.

"We can understand why you'd want to keep it a secret." Goyle nodded his head.

"So that's why you kicked Finnigan out?" Draco prodded, "You didn't want everyone to know?"

"Theirs nothing to be ashamed of for being a lesbian Professor." Crabb added.

"I AM NOT A-"

"Aaaa, no need to deny it." Theo shook his finger at her.

"I hear Professor Sinsitra is a very good lay, you should go to her. She could fix you up! You'll be your good old self again in no time" Blaise winked.

"Mr. Zabini please come here." Umbridge said in her sickly sweet voice again.

"Show her how it's done Blaise!" Daphne said.

"Ms. Greengrass you as well." Umbridge snapped.

"Oh, who would have know?" Pansy leaned forward and 'whisipred' to Theo, "She likes watching underage se-"

"MS. PARKINSON COME BY MY CHAIR THIS INSTINT." Umbridge threw Blaise a letter as Pansy walked up to her smirking.

"Now, now, Professor, no condoling with your students" Theo said warningly.

"Take Millicent, Pansy is mine to connodle with" Draco added.

"No way I'm letting that toad touch me!" Millicent yelled over to him.

"ALL OF YOU FOLLOW MR. ZABINI TO SEVERUS I WANT YOU ALL OUT OF MY CLASSROOM NOW!"

"I guess sometimes she needs a man her life as well," Draco said to Theo "I wonder if Fudge knows she's cheating on him with Snape"

They all ran to Snape's dungeon as Draco to, had to doge a book lodged at his head.

**Not as good as the last one but I tried my best! Hope you all liked it! I will get it beta'd eventually but until then this will have to do. **

**Once again I meant no offence with the lesbian part. I just think Umbridge would get pissy if someone suggested it to her because she hate's half-breeds and all that crap. I have no offence against them at all, I mean look at Ellen, is she awesome or what?**

**Thank you guys and please tell me what you think!**


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